Self-Indulgent Birthday Post
Earnest Reflections (A Little Melancholy)
Today is my thirty-eighth birthday. For this occasion, I am issuing this special autobiographical edition of William Emmons Books. I don’t think this kind of writing is particularly on brand for my newsletter but I’ve been in a reflective and confessional mood lately. Since it is my birthday, I get to do whatever I want.
The main thing is that it has been a long and difficult road that brought me to the place in my life where I am a nominally self-employed blogger and bookseller. Before I was a science fiction aficionado, I was in somewhat chronological order: a student, a comic book guy, an activist, a politico, a heavy drinker, a labor lawyer, a professional revolutionary, an elder law attorney, and a part-time university employee. All of these phases ended in various ways, some to the good and some to the bad.
The most jarring ending happened during the height of the pandemic. My legal career reached a point that was either its nadir or apogee when I entered into a prolonged manic episode. As I became more incoherent and delusional, my partner and family got me admitted to the hospital for eleven days where I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. Among the psychotic beliefs I held were that one of my fellow patients was Philip José Farmer and that the doctor prescribing me antipsychotics was Tarzan. It’s funny to me now but also frightening.
After patching up relationships and a false start at going back to the office, I spent the next couple years on the couch watching bad television and Godzilla movies. I gained a lot of weight. There were periods where I slept 16 hours a day.
I started to come out of it around October of last year by renewing my interest in Star Wars and spending a lot of time putting together Lego sets. This was a nostalgic and juvenile period but was indicative of a returning will to live.
By this time last year, I had the wherewithal to read The Pride of Chanur by C. J. Cherryh, Sirius: A Fantasy of Love and Discord by Olaf Stapledon, and Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie. I also DNFed some recent books that were less good. In so doing, I recalled that I like science fiction quite a lot and that I am a person with some modicum of taste.
There’s much I could say about why I like science fiction politically and philosophically and about what I think the purpose of science fiction is. But there are baser and more honest things to say. At the end of The Way The Future Was, Frederik Pohl explains that he devoted his life to science fiction simply because he liked the stuff. In The Futurians, Damon Knight describes reading science fiction as a captivating experience that is better than sex. Sex is good and one wants to have a varied lifestyle but I find myself more-or-less in agreement. That’s about the sum of it.
But here’s the deal. Real heads grew up reading the stuff and have a deep well of knowledge of older works to draw on. By contrast, I grew up reading superhero comics and Star Wars tie-in novels. At various times, I have found myself desperately feeling the need to better understand the warp and weft of science fiction. I made my 2024 New Years Resolution to spend my copious free time studying science fiction. I’ve pretty much stuck to this, picking up an interest in fantasy and weird fiction along the way. I’ll be rolling over this project of study into 2025 and probably beyond. It means a lot to have my subscribers along for the ride.
P.S. If you feel moved to help me celebrate my birthday, you can buy me a coffee.
Shop William Emmons Books
Now through Christmas Day, I am still running my special for US readers. You can purchase a curated bundle of six science fiction/fantasy paperbacks shipped for $25. To take advantage of this deal reply to this email, email me here, or press the blue button below. Payment is via Venmo, Cash App, or PayPal. Note these ship media mail (2-8 business days) and may not make it in time to be Christmas gifts at this point.
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Thanks for sharing some backstory! I, too, have felt like I’ve been saved by science fiction at different tumultuous points in my life.
Coincidentally, I also read and enjoyed Ancillary Justice last year— I don’t read a ton of contemporary scifi (because the back catalog is so deep and good!) but I was intrigued by a female author winning the Hugo and Nebula. IMO the sequel was highly readable but the politics felt a little grafted on. Still have to read the third book.
I’m currently reading Sirius. I got maybe 40 pages in about 10 years ago, but the premise was so heartbreaking I didn’t think I could handle it and I put it down. My dog died last year and I’m expecting the book to fully destroy me. I’m usually something of a literary masochist—I dig the kinds of books that tear you apart—but when dogs are involved I’m a big softie.
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday.